Learning to be me.

London no. 8

I’m going to London in two weeks which is lovely. Actually it’s more than lovely and I can’t wait. I had to cancel my previous trip there because life happened. I was sure I’m not able to go any day soon but after all I am. Well, at least if there’s no volcano eruptions and volcanic ash involved. Previously I’ve spent my nights near Hyde Park but this time I’m heading east. This is my eighth time in London and I have massive to-do and to-see lists.  

Here’s some random (and blurry mobile phone) photos from previous trips. I wish I could write more stories about places I’ve been but I really can’t. Sometimes it’s the feeling, not the words.Feeling of amusement when seeing unexpected items in random places. Feeling like million bucks when finding an empty seat in a tube. Staying cool in a moving tour bus when hot italian gay turns your audio guide’s language accidentally to italian 15 times while you both are trying to take some photos. Feeling exhausted after long day of walking in a rain but still not wanting to stop. Seeing perfect sunset and finding another lonely travelling taking your photo before the sun is gone. Pure joy of finding a chair to take a nap in a park. That joy turning to crankiness when someone wants you to pay 5£ for using that chair.  

What I did 27/7/2014

Still trying to be active.

1. We buy our weekly milk straight from the nearby producer. This goat wasn’t too happy when I disturbed its afternoon nap.

2. Evening walk.

3. Unfortunately not at the airport. London it would be!

4. Times when one could actually move a leg without sweating.

5. Coffee with a view. Found this terrace this summer although I’ve been living in this city over 10 years.

6. Part of my hometown’s industrial past.



7-9. Roadtripping and visiting some friends. Stormy day turned into beautiful evening.

10. @work. I <3 Excel. /quit sarcasm.

11. Neighbourhood.

12. One of my usual jogging routes go along a small harbor.


Food policy

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot what kind of relationship I would like to have with food. As a child my mom was responsible for cooking. I feel our family’s eating habits were pretty normative and we ate pretty much everything what our society considered to be a “normal” diet: meat, fish, bread, fruits, cereals, pudding, veggies, coffee, milk, yoghurt, added sugar etc. Saturdays were the best because it was the day when I got candy. Despite of socially accepted diet I was fat. As a teenager I started some kind of binge eating. Every day after school I went to a super market and bought candy. I was paranoid of not letting anyone I knew to see me. I was also so embarrased of my behaviour that I went to different shop every day as I didn’t want same salesperson to see me buying all that stuff everyday. I also started to exercise six times a week but my body stayed the same.

First years at the University were great. I got new friends and were active member of different sutdent associations (but not that active at actual studying..). Eating didn’t give me that much guilt feelings and I ate like many other students: students lunches at Uni and something cheap at home. And then I fell ill. My chronic disease (which I had no idea) got worse and I got a proper diagnose. I’ve had some really bad years with my disease but getting diagnosed might still be the best thing what have happened to me. Nowadays I try not to be so harst to myself. I understand I have made bad choices which have affected to my health but I have also always been ill which has been a huge factor to my health and size too.

My ultimate goal is to get to a state where food is only fuel to my body. I wish I wouldn’t mind eating plain chicken and broccoli every day but unfortunately I do. I need variety, different flavours and something sweet. I don’t want to need any of them. Food has gotten so much more of my time, thoughts and energy than it deserve. Even though I’m not (yet) a food minimalistic I do have some food related rules which I try to follow:

- Regular eating

- More proteins, less carbs

- Avoid added sugar

- Every meal is a proper meal. I don’t have spesific food for breakfast, snacks, lunch etc. It’s ok to eat meat 9am!

- Veggies every day

- Prefer organic food






Lately enjoyed treats.

The Berlin Wall.

Berlin, April / May 2014.

Few hours in this city and I feel like I’ve seen all major tourist sights. And l haven’t seen anything yet. To me Berlin is full on contrasts, artistic, lively, interesting. So old but still so new: something for everyone. Next time I will just walk around, absorb the atmosphere and let myself do nothing at all.

What I did this summer

I love my couch. Actually I loved all my previous couches too. Those couches were also defying laws of physics: it was always so hard to drag my ass ouf of the couch that there must have been higher value of gravity under them. Then I got ill. Badly. And then came the day I wanted to get off the couch but I couldn’t. Some years went by literally asleep. Then came another day and I finally woke up. Sometimes it’s still hard to get off the couch and go out because I’m lazy. Then I usually remember I am not THAT ill anymore and get feelings of guilt being lazy.

(I got this far on writing until the guilt came. You know, summer, sun, heat, me sitting inside the house behind closed curtains. Had to go out.)

I made a promise to be more active, go out and do whatever instead of staying in. According my phone’s memory card I have actually done something. 

1. Went to local airshow to see some fighter jets.

2. I did a weekend trip to visit my old friend. (Just to make sure: my friend isn’t old, our friendship is.)

3. Jogging.

4. Saw Aerosmith playing. Excellent setlist, otherwise disappointing gig.

5. New tattoo. It took only 10 years to decide the picture..

6. Learning foam rolling. It hurts like hell but is totally worth it. Your    muscles are thanking you.

7. Bought some peonies from local outdoor market.

8. I walked through outdoor food market. It was full of delicious treats which I cannot eat.